Proving to the world that I'm not a cheap-ass

Haven't been able to write for a the past couple of days because I couldn't access the Interwebs at my house despite the millions of times I reset the router. Apparently, we never paid the bills. Everyone else had fancy macs and could use their SUPER JUICED network cards to access wirless from miles away. Seeing as I have not had access, I've been sitting in my room for the past two weeks twiddling my thumbs nervously and anxiously glancing at objects around me. But seriously, millions upon millions of things have happened since. Unfortunately, I don't really remember anything anymore except the near past (read: the past five minutes):

So people accuse me of being cheap. Its not true. I am "thrifty." Perhaps "frugal." Even better, "sustainable." The bottom line is that I don't like spending very much for myself. I acquired this notoriety because I withheld delivering on a bet to a friend for a very long time, but for very moral reasons. First of all, he's a Quaker, so I'm pretty sure it was moral sin for him to "bet" for worldly desires on the first place (take that! you have my ten bucks but also eternal damnation!). Second of all, it wasn't even a real bet, it was something stupid about French painters like is "Marat" spelled "ZZxy yo yo" or "Marat" (yes, guess which one I chose). Third of all, and this is a justification for not paying any debts, is that I know a couple of people who owe me money, and I'm sure there are people who owe those guys (the people who owe me money) money; the idea is that everyone is a debt-ee and a debtor. Eventually, if you follow the line through, my friend indirectly owes ME money. Its like Kevin Bacon except with debts. Finally, the dude is a pretty nice guy and rich so what is he doing pressing me for money anyways.

Nonetheless, because I am benevolent, kind, magnificent, and sculpted like a Greek God, I paid him back AND treated him to ice cream. To prove the point that I don't spend much on myself, but am kind and generous to my friends, I took my other friend out to ice cream the other night, despite the fact that he's male and my sexuality was thrown into question by some of my housemates. He was leaving for Germany the next day so it was a good opportunity to hang out and bro out too.

So we get to the shop and everything's gonna be great. He orders and I order and I reach into my pocket. Nothing. He ends up paying for me. Goddammit.

But because I am determined, willful, and can cut steel with my abs, we walked to my house where I could pay him back immediately. We walk towards the house without a hitch (besides a really sketchy guy telling us that if we whispered "chi-skizzle" into the bouncer's ear at Toad's we could get into a Wu Tang Clan concert, which is doubtful to have ever existed, for free) and everything's pretty much settled. I get my wallet. There's no money. Goddammit. By this time, I think my friend is suspicious that this was a plan on my part to get him to pay for ice cream.

But because I am hardy, rugged, and was the model for American Gladiators, I demand that we walk to an ATM. Perfect. 20 bucks. Except I don't have change. We end up walking all the way back to Ashley's an hour later. The guy working to cash register who saw that I didn't have any money an hour ago is amused that I have come back and I'm finally able to treat a bro to some ice cream.

Anyways, I'm not cheap.